Sunday, June 25, 2006

My Favourite Story From Another Place & Time

"Oh hey there Nursey Nurse, can you pass me that book"

"This one here, about the Space Cowboy, Sgt. ?"

"Yes, that's the one."

"I've heard about it, but have never read it myself, what it all about?"

"This is about the legendary Space Cowboy, a time traveller, & dimension hopper. One of his greatest stories came from a planet very much like our own called Earth. Anyways he single handedly faught the entire RCMP, CSIS, CF, & CPS & hunted down terrorists they were harbouring in a place called Canada. Eventually he died though, you can't fight an entire 26 million people & expect to live. Anyhow he bought the rest of the world some breathing room. He was betrayed eventually & they killed him by setting a dirty bomb off that was intended for thier enemies. Anyhow that dirty bomb they used to kill Space eventually killed them all cuz the rest of the world quarantined Canada & everyone died from radiation sickness. This is the last book about his adventures, & he had plenty. I kinda' fashioned my life after him, even though he is just some charecter in a sci-fi book. They say they are gonna' make a series of movies, soon. I think I'm gonna' call my agent & see if I can audition for a part in it."


"Crazy old narcoleptic!" the nurse says then she covers him up & walks out the room turning out the light as she goes.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Having A Sub While Looking For A Sub

This is a picture of me along the shores of Hudson's Quay. Old Comrade Canuck had let the entire CCF fall into such a state of disrepair that enemies of the Unified States & Great Brighton could leisurely park their subs in Hudson's Quay & have a gay old time. Anyhow having learned of this I went out on a solo mission to do a little sub hunting. I had heard rumors of them surfacing near a remote village becasue they made fabulous submarine sandwhichs the sailors were fond of. Naturally I went to the sub shop several times but did not see any of them so one day I decided to get some take out & did a stake out of the place. Sure enough near sunset I seen a periscope bust through the surface, then some kinda ice breaking mechanism, then next thing you know there is 500 feet of ice exploding all over the place & when that happened I dropped my body temp. & dove into a snow bank. I wacthed & ate as they went to the subhop got some eats, unloaded some weapons, ammunition for some local cell, & then came the biggest surprise of all. They unloaded 14 nuclear missles. One by one they carted them off to some freshly arrived semis & then they sped off into the sunset. I did not come prepared to take on so many people, only had my pulse pistol, & a digital camera so I just observed things & filmed what I could. Don't let your armed forces fall into such a state of disrepair or this could happen in your country. Anyhow later on that night as they all went into town I snuck up to the sub & placed a homing becon on it & met my guide who was waiting 5 miles away & we took a dogsled back to town. It was -40 out, damn cold but that's the kinda' weather I enjoyed.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

The Calm Before The Storm

I remember right before the dark times, right after when I was betrayed & branded a terrorist, how Sobiet Camuckistan erupted into chaos. I wrote to some folks in the Unified States & said I'd only help out Sobiet Camuckistan if their President called the Prime Minister & asked him to ask me to help quell the chaos on the condition the he explained fully to the world on TV what Sobiet Camuckistan did to me. The Unified States were safe of course, I'd die before I let anything that was even remotely possible slip out of my grasp. Sobiet Camuckistan however was an entirely different story.

Oh it's dinner time.Time for more grey goo, I will finish the story later, provided that there isn't another dimension shift.

The UCBC (Ultra Comunnist Broadcasting Corporation)

Back when there was a terrorism raid in Torento I remember how for years I had seen this coming. All the signs were there. The non-stop propaganda & hatred that was being broadcast on the UCBC. To summarize a lot of the material, the Camucks were insisting that the Unified States, Great Brighton, & the coalishun were the Great Satan & a bunch of bastards. This indoctrination was further re-inforced in the classrooms where the teachers were allowed to portray comparisons of the allies to the Schnazis.

Curious to learn more I pulled my son out of private school in the states & told him to do me a little favor & wear a little special pin for me while attending class. Day after I recorded hour upon hour of the radical teachings. Finally my son said "Dad I can't take it anymore. I want to go back to the Unified States where they don't preach this kind of hatred & where people are normal". I pulled him out of school & sent him back down to the states & thanked him for doing the entire freedom & democracy loving world a huge favour. Now we knew where the seeds of this recent spat of domestic terrorists came from.

As for the terrorists the CRCMP, PSIS were mad at them because for some odd reason their attempt at producing a homegrown terrorist cell to attack the Unified States backfired & the terrorist cell wanted to attack Sobiet Camuckistan instead.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Riding The Rails

Some of my missions have lead me across Sobiet Camuckistan tracking down the terrorists who are hidden in a series of safehouses manned by those under their payroll. Sometimes my subjects have taken the trains. Even sufficiently disguised & using another identity does not save one from the Train Spooks. These are people that El-Quacko has invading people's luggage. Quite often they steal people's electronics. They love to take anything that can even be remotely used to make a bomb so that the can later use it against you when they deem you an enemy of the state. Use caution when riding the rails in Sobiet Canuckistan.

One particulair journey took me into the Unified States. I was like some folk hero so they knew I was not what some folks from Sobiet Canuckistan painted me out to be. Anyhow on that journey it was just plain old odd not having to worry about Train Spooks. God Bless the Unified States is all I can say, & damn they have some good cooks on the train. I like eating, it was my one weakness, besides women. Now I just get fed some grey goothrough my feeding tube. Oh & I once had teeth as well. I remember when I could eat stake. M-m-m-m-m, unfortunately now I have dentures. I let my teeth rot away after having found a chip planted in one of them. This was back in the day when the commies were setting up shop in Sobiet Camuckistan & doing mass mind control experiments on the population.

Shopping In Cowpie

With the communists & terrorist huggers burroughed into every section of society El-Quacko seen Sobiet Camuckistan ripe for the picking. They begain by brainwashing most of the population via the water & certain edible itmes. Anyone who was allied with Unified States, Great Brighton, or the coalishun was deemed an enemy of the state & their dossiers were passed around to retailers. El-Quacko figures that by having all insecurity guards at shopping malls & stores armed with the dossiers they can force out their enemies purely by leaving them with no place to buy grub, clothes, services, or anything else. Having learned of the dossiers being passed out I immediately made my way to the core of Cowpie often noted for disliking anyone who did not wear a suit & tie, was not white, or was not a communist, homo-sexual, retard, or terrorist hugger.

Sure enough I go to buy some gum at Shuppers Drug Store & the insecurity guards who seen I was not white took my picture fed into into the holo-sphere & downloaded the data. It simply stated Non-white, enemy of the state, please, assault & have him thrown in jail. You know you can do this in Cowpie all the cops are on our payroll. Not too mention the Anti-white wizards have claimed Albertastien as thier new fatherland.

Realizing what was happening I played the weak worm card until when we were outside then I pulled off my shirt & challenged him to a fight out on the street like a man one on one in front of a crowd of people of mixed race. Of course he ran inside & called the police. The brothers & sisters of the other races of man said "Hey, dude what you did was good it opened more people's eyes to where the real evil lies, but run & hide cuz they just called the cops & they will twist the story into you killing someone & they'll put you in jail. We've all seen it happen before, so run"

I left the scence & went to a dance show, some of the locals whom I enjoyed were putting on a show. Once again I found I was running into trouble at the concession apparently not being white led me to getting 2nd rate service after having to present my passport to prove I was a citizen of the state.

Bothers & sisters arm yourselves with cameras & seek out the truth when in Cowpie & other places in Sobiet Camuckistan. Ask yourself the question when someone not white is being led away in cuffs what is really going on?

To Save A Prince

We had no idea how far the decpetion had gone until we found the charred bodies in a pit, & then the barely legible remains of a dog tag. Colonel Hardass & his men were jumped, beaten, then murdered by El-Quacko terrorists. Long under suspicion of harbouring & arming terrorists Sobiet Camuckistan was where we were inserted. Scattered across the country we remained in contact via the holo-sphere. I was tasked with assuming the identity of a native in a city called Cowpie where rumor had it El-Quacko terrorists shipped vast amounts of credits to the Midule East. Rumour also had it that El-Quacko had begun indoctrinating the local population & so the face of terrorism changed. The typical turban wearing terrorist was a thing of the past. A clean shaven executive was the new look. Anyhow this particulair tale involves the time when Prince Funkyolddude was visiting. Long considered an ally to Great Brighton, Sobiet Canuckistan was hardly a place where royalty might get into trouble.

"The infidels will now learn we can go anywhere & do anything now!" Maktalak Fartypants said.

"Algebra Snackbar!" Melvin Doughnuteater replied.

They then fired their feces guns into the air & danced around in circles while waiting for the motorcade to appear. Little did they know my & my team (The Rock N Roll Allstars) were in the cars & not the Prince who we had warned.

Meanwhile at the Cosmic Ranger Cafe the Prince & his entourage had a mid afternoon snack of crumpets & some tea.

"This is bloody fabulous tea Smitty!" the Prince said to his butler

"Do you want to me to purchase some more to take home, sir?" the butler replied.

"You are damn well right, actually... why not just purchase the company instead?" the Prince said.

"I'll have your accountants look into it tommorow, my Lord." Smitty answered

Meanwhile in the motorcade things were starting to get crazy, a rocket propelled acidic turd hit the lead car, then the limo.

"Ah, my nose is melting!" Screamed Private Partz as we put on our gas masks & waited for the smoke to clear.

"Eggsalad Retard" screamed one of the terrorists as they neared the cars & we opened fire. Yes even though they were clad in the uniforms of Sobiet Canuckistan we found the terrorists & delivered some justice Rock N Roll All Star style.

Ah yes those days gone by when I was a young lad, I never will forget. Here I am now a man way beyond my prime at 158, only kept alive due to the doctors inserting new parts after the old ones wear out. My oh my how I envy those who lived normal lives a few millenia ago.